hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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