Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
