You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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