That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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