i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's not a walk of shame if you run