You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're a disaster
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.