just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING