okay pat passed out under dana's car
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.