Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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