I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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