i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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