i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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