so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
