i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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