I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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