yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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