you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
