Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
