yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
