Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize