he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.