wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread