Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.