did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone