No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.