I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.