Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
