if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize