took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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