the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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