I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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