Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
