I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
