Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
