Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i would punch a child for taco bell
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
