Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
