i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
