apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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