remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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