Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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