I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
