Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.