I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
zippers are such a cool invention
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...