i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
