Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
