He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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