He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
