Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
