i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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