Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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