is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
