Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
