If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
