I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
