Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize