the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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