He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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