if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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