I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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