Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
whose parrot is this?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
